How to Move Forward When Fear Is Stopping You
As a career and executive coach, something I often work with people on is taking action when they feel stuck. Sometimes they know what to do next, but are afraid or anxious about doing it. Other times, the worry and fear makes them foggy, and they aren’t clear on what their next step should be. Together, we dig in to discover what they are experiencing, and then we create realistic, actionable steps that they can take to get where they want to go.
Is there an area where you are stuck and not taking action? Maybe it’s a big project you need to start, or perhaps you’re unsure about the next steps to take in your career. Sometimes we’re very clear about what needs to be done, but we aren’t doing it, while other times the path forward may feel more nebulous. Here are some real-life examples I’ve encountered while working with people, along with strategies that have helped them move forward.
Examples
Afraid to send an email.
Afraid to reach out to people you know to tell them that you are looking for a job.
Afraid to start applying for jobs.
Afraid to take steps towards leaving a job that is making you unhappy.
Afraid to start work on a project.
Afraid to speak up with your manager about what you’d like next in your career.
Strategies
1. Take One Small Action
There is usually one small thing we can do that will help move us forward. It can give us momentum and confidence. For your situation, can you think of one thing you can do that may feel a tiny bit challenging, but isn’t too scary?
If you aren’t clear on what this is, try breaking down what you need to do into smaller pieces. For example, “network” is a big task, but you could break it down into more manageable steps like:
List five people I want to connect with about job opportunities.
Choose one person from the list to reach out to.
Spend time considering what I want to say — what type of job am I looking for? What do I want to ask them about?
Draft the email.
Send the email.
Maybe you already know what action you need to take, but you keep putting it off. For example, it could be to send an email to a stakeholder about the status of a project. You could break that down further into the following:
Write down what I already know about the status of the project.
Identify any gaps I have about the status of the project.
Gather the details to fill in those gaps.
Draft the email.
Send the email.
Each of those steps are more approachable than “send an email”. In some cases, breaking it down into smaller, achievable steps can make it more doable. If the uncertainty of what you need to do is holding you back, list out exactly what you need to do. Hopefully this will help you gain clarity one step at a time.
2. Use Positive Language
The words we say and the thoughts we think can have a big impact on our confidence and how we view our abilities. What language have you been using to describe what needs to be done? Can you try to turn the language around so that your thoughts are positive? Here are some examples:
Old Way: I’m afraid to reach out to my network because I don’t want to bother them.
New Way: I’m excited to reach out to my network so that I can learn what my friends and former colleagues are up to now, and I’m excited to share what I want to do next.
Old Way: I’m afraid to post on Linkedin because of what people might think.
New Way: I have something meaningful to share. People will be excited to hear from me.
Choose language that resonates with you and feels right. It might not be comfortable at first, so it could help to practice saying it (either in your head or out loud) a few times.
3. Think About a Time When You Were Afraid and Did It Anyway
I use this approach with my 7-year old daughter when she wants to try something new that seems exciting but also is scary. I’m able to remind her of past times when she was afraid and she did the scary thing. Then I ask her to remember how she felt afterward. For example, I remind her of when she jumped off a diving board for the first time. She was really scared, but it turned out to be really fun. I remind her that she felt accomplished and proud, and it was so much fun that she jumped dozens of times after. This method for relating to fear can work well at any age.
Think about how you feel after you’ve done the thing that you were afraid of. Was there anything that helped you get through it that you could lean on now? How did you feel afterward? Was it as hard or scary as you thought it would be? You were able to do it then; you can do it now, too.
4. Seeing Your Decision As Malleable
One of the things that causes me stress and stops me from taking action is the belief that the decision I make will be final and something I have to live with forever. I fear making the wrong decision and being stuck with it.
A few weeks ago I wrote about my landscaping project. I was stuck because I thought that whatever I decided to plant would be there forever, so I put a lot of pressure on myself to make the right decision. That paralyzed me from making decisions—and this was a simple landscaping project. Imagine how that could translate to bigger things.
In that particular case, I learned that I can always change the landscaping. If a plant doesn’t work out, I can remove it. Also, I can always add more. It isn’t final. I thought about how I could apply this more broadly to my life.
The same could be said when we aren’t taking action because of a decision that we need to make. We view the decision as something that we can’t undo or something that we are deciding to do forever. Sure, some decisions have more weight than others and may be harder to undo, but it’s okay to do something and then change your mind if it doesn’t work out. Sometimes we don’t know how something will go for us until we try.
I hope you can use some of the strategies I’ve outlined when you are stuck and aren’t moving forward with something. If there’s a particular topic you’d like to dive deeper into, I’m here to help and would be glad to work with you.